Feminism — A guidebook

(* Nope, you cant have a guidebook for a topic as complex and vast as feminism. The title was a click bait to make sure maximum people read this.)

This post is an extension of sorts from the last and a prelude to next one about Privilege. I though why not get the simple topics out of the way first :)

One of the earliest conversation I had with my then-boyfriend, now-husband about feminism was, “Do you consider yourself a Feminist ?”, He paused and then replied in the calm and calculated manner of his, “No, I think I would like to be identified an Equalist”. I was intrigued. “How is that?”, His response was a standard response of a male child, who has only recently started interacting and understanding the perspective of the other sex. We discussed about why we have a “Black History Month” and how “equality means shit when one section of the society has been repressed for generations”. This was by no means a one time conversation, we went over other aspects. I told him about how I have a slightly crooked back because I was ashamed of my breasts in my teenage years. So the natural instinct of hiding them basically bore through my posture and no amount of Chiropractor and conscious thought can help it now.

He understands Feminism now. So, I have hope that open dialogue is part of the process. Alienating the other sex isn’t going to help, and so I am writing this and hoping some people would be interested in understanding more and for those, I recommend reading “Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men”. There are some fantastic female authors who have written a great deal about this, so please consider reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Margaret Atwood, Octavia E. Butler, Maya Angelou among others.

Of course I am an Angry Feminist, who just keeps getting more infuriated as I read and understand more about the Witch Trials in Europe in 1400s, How cars were/are never designed keeping the women driver in mind (please speak to me about women as bad drivers and we will have a nice cup of tea where I will share data and facts and you can tell me the anecdotal evidence), How the AI is doomed because there is not diversity in the training data. We have very obvious indicators in terms of sex ratio of graduating classes at school level, then undergrad and post-grad. We have the salary comparison for male and female employee. We have the victim ratio for rapes, sexual abuse and physical abuse. The above facts are much acknowledged. We are okay with women being portrayed as victims but as soon we shift focus to women being equal participants in the social, economic and democratic decision making, there is a certain discomfort and hostility.

I have had this conversation in a room full of people, at work, with friends in a bar, with aunties in a Kirtan, with bunch of random strangers in a railway coach and without fail, Feminism, the word — evokes a sense of hysteria.

MALE SEX

Majority of my experience explaining “Feminism” to men has been about them playing it down with jokes or getting enraged or citing examples of how the laws are loaded in the favor of women these days (Why though? Why do we have a Dowry law?). Some people are so steeped in privilege of gender that any level of inquiry, accountability, correction feels like oppression to them.

Feminism is a mistrusted and widely agreed upon as “Women hating and trying to overrule Men” concept but what Feminism actually stands for is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equity of the sexes.” Equality (Equality of Outcome) demands that everyone has the right to be treated the same; equity(Equality of Opportunity) demands that everyone has the right to access what they need to achieve that equality. There is a critical nuanced difference between the two, which I think is a great entry point to read about “Casual Sexism — Everyday Sexism”, more prevalent in the liberal, educated generation of ours. Equality is a more palatable concept than equity since it doesn’t explicitly question the inherent privilege of Male sex in the society.

So, for the men reading this — Undoing years of entitlement and getting questioned for things which you thought were given, will be scary and uncomfortable. I think it then becomes a question of choice at educating yourself and seeking a better place for your partner / mother / sister.

FEMALE SEX
Some would embrace the idea of Feminism; some would maintain the “We need to empower ourselves” idea and the remaining would have an opinion similar to men, saying how we need to be `Equalists`. I wish people read more, to understand the suffrage movement, how we women came to the right to vote, right to own property, right to education. When someone tells me about “empowering themselves and not needing Feminism” while holding a 9–5 office job, having a substantial income and a caring (albeit sheltering) family, it makes me want to scream. That right there is the privilege of class.

“How do you communicate with people who are unaware of their privilege? This privilege can be privilege of gender, class, caste, nationality etc. Just because you have not experienced a discrimination at your workplace, doesn’t mean that workplace discrimination doesn’t exist. You just have the privilege of another sort(mostly a combination of class, caste to make it potent enough) to cover it up.”

So, for the women reading this — we have been sold the idea of “not like the other girls”, “good girls from good families”, “boss babes” and other cringe worthy and toxic ideas by society, media, pop culture and the freaking history. Undoing years of false information and misinterpretations is laborious. But please read about Feminism and the order of the world, seek out real life role models and step out of your comfort zone. It is the only way to be.

I promised myself I would have an even toned writing and less of a rant so people will actually read it without getting offended or threatened. Let’s see how successful that attempt it :)